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Game Warden: "Fishing?"
Man without a license: "No. Drowning worms."

What's the difference between a hunter and a fisherman?
A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.

The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer."
One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."

A group of deer hunters are in camp when they realize that they are running low on provisions. The group appointed Joe to get supplies. Joe went into the store and bought 10 bottles of whiskey, 12 cases of beer and 2 packages of hotdogs. When he returned to the camp the group looked in his truck and they asked, "Joe, what in the world are we gonna do with all them damn hotdogs?"

After eating an entire bull elk, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He roared and he roared, until a deer hunter came along and shot him. The moral of the story - When your full of bull, keep your mouth shut!

Two deer hunters were walking through the woods when they came upon another hunter dragging a deer. They were both amazed at how ugly the man was. In fact the man was the ugliest person they had ever met. While talking to the man they noticed that he didn’t have a gun. One of the hunters said, “I see that you don’t have a gun, can I ask how it is that you managed to kill that deer?”. The ugly deer hunter said, “well I guess that you have noticed that I’m not very good looking”. They both admitted that they had noticed. The ugly hunter went on to say, “well what I do is hide behind a tree and wait for a deer to come walking along and when he does I peek around the tree. My face scares the deer so bad that they usually run right into another tree and it kills them.” The two hunters are amazed at the mans story but believe him because he is just so darn ugly. One hunter says, “Wow that’s amazing! Does anyone else in your family hunt like that to?” The ugly hunter sighs and says. “well, my wife used to come hunting with me… but she got to where she was just tearing them up too bad.”

Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers.

Saturday morning a deer hunter gets up early, dresses quietly, gets
his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the gun and goes to the
garage to warm up his truck and head down to his favorite hunting
area.
He backs his truck out of the garage and discovers the rain is really
pouring down, It is like a torrential downpour. There is also some
snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 MPH.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather
channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so minutes later, he puts his truck in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back
into bed.
There, he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is really terrible"
To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is
out hunting in that?"

One day Gaston and Bubba were Deer Hunting, and they got lost. Gaston tells Bubba "wait, don't panic I learned what to do in case this happens. Your supposed to shoot up into the air three times and someone will here you and come with help,"
"Okay" said Bubba. So he shoots three times into the air. They both wait an hour and no one shows up. So they shoot three times again and still no one shows up. Bewildered they try this again and again for the next couple of hours.
Gaston starts to look a little worried, then he shouts "It better work this time, were down to our last three arrows!"

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there,
is he still wrong?

A guy from Oklahoma went hunting in Colorado. Late in the afternoon on opening day, the game warden came to his camp and saw a deer he had shot right between the eyes. The game warden commented, "you sure are a good shot."
"Yeah," replied the out-of-state hunter, "all Oklahomans know how to hunt."
The next day the same game warden came to the same camp and found a big elk hanging. It was shot right between the eyes. The warden said to the guy from Oklahoma, "you boys sure do know how to hunt and shoot."
The guy from Oklahoma said, "yep, I told you everybody from Oklahoma knows how to hunt. Well, I got a bear tag I'm gonna fill tommorrow."
The warden wished him luck and vowed to return and see if the Oklahoman would succeed.
The next day the game warden came to the camp where he saw a big bear shot through both front paws and right between the eyes. The game warden asked the guy how he had shot the bear in the hands, and he replied, "well when that bright light hit his eyes, he covered his face with both hands!"

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