Hunting, Fishing, Camping
Outdoor, Extreme ports
Adventure, Gear, Supplies
Fishing Lodges
Fishing in Canada
Hunting Lodges
Fishing Gear |
Note: This is an exact
transcript of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a
female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about
to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "So, General Reinwald, what things are
you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing,
archery, and shooting."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible,
isn't it?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised
on the rifle range."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly
dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, "We will be teaching
them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm."
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become
violent killers."
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute,
but you're not one, are you?"
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
A hunter in the Yukon territory stumbles into the camp of another
hunter. Overjoyed, he shouts, "boy, am I glad to see you;
I've been lost for three days!"
"Don't get so happy," says the other hunter, "I've
been lost for three weeks."
An old man is arrested by a game warden that caught him roasting
a bald eagle over a campfire. All of the feathers, head, and feet
were nearby, and the man admitted that it was indeed a bald eagle
that he was about to eat.
When his day in court came, the old man was quickly convicted
but pled for mercy on the grounds that he'd taken the bird for
subsistence in a survival situation. The judge complied, giving
the man probation, a small fine, and crediting him for time served.
Before letting him leave, though, the judge asked the man to his
chambers. He asked, just out of curiosity, what bald eagle tasted
like? To which the old man replied,
"Oh, a little bit like Condor."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a
good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and
went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful
friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?", Holmes ask, Watson pondered
for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically,
I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that
the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically,
I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you
idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."
A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently
with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to
catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my
pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake
and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump
back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said,
"Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.
The man poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said,
"Well?"
"Well, what?" the man asked.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden
prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH."
"What fish?" the man asked
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated
boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his
boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He
spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from
the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of
the evening. Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died
suddenly in his absence.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things
at the grocery. A kind old woman there mistook him for John and
said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell
no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten
old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up
and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water.
She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front
too.
Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like
crazy."
"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented
her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them
that she wasn't very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted
her anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time
and she split right up the middle."
The old woman fainted.
One morning, a father and his young son were in the forest hunting
rabbits. After about an hour, they finally came across some rabbit
tracks. In between the tracks, there were these little round brown
pellets, and the son said to his father, "Dad, what are those?"
The father replied, "Those are smart pills. Try a couple."
So the kid grabbed a couple of them and put them in his mouth.
The boy made a funny face and said to his dad, "Ewww! Yuk!
They taste like s**t." The father replied, "See, you're
getting smarter already."
Hunting attorneys for sport has lately become somewhat of a past
time for people. Enough so that the DNR has stepped in with new
laws limiting such things as who can hunt them, how many can be
hunted, and by what means...
1. Any person with a valid small game hunting license may harvest
attorneys.
2. The taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.
The use of currency as bait is prohibited in counties where bovine
TB has been found.
3. The killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally
struck, remove road kill to roadside, then proceed to nearest
car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a
helicopter or other aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout, "whiplash," "ambulance!"
or, "Free Perrier!" for the purposes of hunting attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills,
prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of
whorehouses, health spas, ambulances, or hospitals.
8. If an attorney is elected to government office, there will
be a $500 bounty on the pelt.
9. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department
inspection for rabies, vermin and contagious diseases.
10. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a
reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female law clerk, sheep, accident
victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purposes of hunting
attorneys.
Attorney Bag Limits:
Yellow-Bellied Sidewinder = 5
Hairless Civil Libertarian = 7
Skinny-Assed Ambulance Chaser = 12
Horse or Cattle Rustler Defender = 20
Silver-Tongued Murderer Defender = 50
Jack-Legged Divorce Litigator = No limit
Honest Attorney = Extinct
Two DNR employees had just gotten off work for the day when one
of them saw the other step on a snail squashing it. "Why
did you step on that snail, Bob?" asked his perplexed DNR
coworker. "Because that darn snail has been following me
around work all day!"
A rich lady from California who's a tree hugger and an anti-hunter
purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large
tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to
get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked
her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the
ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable
pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter
himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience
and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see
if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before
the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, "What took
you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I
had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the
Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could
remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and I'm sorry,
they all turned me down."
A hunter was cruising along a back country road when all the
sudden he drove into a huge mud hole right in the center of the
road. Being hopelessly stuck, he walked down the road to find
help. After walking a piece down the road and he came upon an
old gent with a 4-wheel drive with a winch. When the hunter told
the old gent about his predicament, the old-timer said, "I'll
pull you out, but it will cost you $100.00." The hunter was
in quite a bind and was forced to pay the old man. After he was
freed from the mud hole, the hunter complained, "At the high
prices that you charge I'm surprised you're not pulling people
out of the mud full-time." "Can't," replied the
old gent. "It takes me the better part of the day to haul
water for the hole."
Hunting Humor Page 1
2 3
4
|
